I always get the biggest laughs when "tough guy Lance" makes an appearance on his blog. If he's not talking trash about Chris Carpenter and his son, he's channelling his inner Ty Cobb with hilarious mental images like this:
Baltimore pitchers had thrown 9 consecutive balls and walked back to back batters with bases loaded. Stubbs was swining on a 1-0 pitch and grounded into an inning ending force. Had I been Dusty I would have walked onto the field, put my finger in the batting helmet earhole of Stubbs and walked him off the field, for a seat on the bench. But that's just me. I'm not a players manager.
As soon as you got one fingernail in Stubbs' earhole, you'd have his fuckin' hands wrapped around your throat as teammates raced to pull him off of you, douchebag.